Madison, WI. April 1, 2015: In a move certain to change the population health competitive landscape, causing major shock and awe, Forward Health Group, Inc. announced today that it intends to raise $70,000,050.00 from a synergistic consortium of new investors. A new syndicate of investors, Tatooine Partners, Deathstar Ventures, and Sharque Capital, has emerged as the front-runner to lead this Series-Q round for FHG. Each investor brings best-in-class synergistic paradigm-shifting health care industry expertise, having propelled such household names as HappyDocsWithStethocopes.com, PatientData4Sale, Inc., and TTIWWDW, LLC (This_Time_It_Will_Work_Data_Warehouse).
FHG Founder and CEO, Michael Barbouche, said, “Since every vendor has already solved population health, we knew we had to stand out at HIMSS15. The only thing we could come up with was having a tank full of live sharks. Once you pitch an idea like this to the Freeman Services representative, the costs just start multiplying. Plus, we’re talking Chicago.” The fees to setup a once-in-a-HIMSS tank are driving the amount that FHG needs to raise. “Freeman quoted us $70/gallon on a fixed-cost basis,” Barbouche said. “Doing the math, one million gallons gets you to $70 million very quickly. We added on $50.00 because of McCormick parking fees.”
Once settled on sharks as the theme, it was a no-brainer that FHG would expand its current population health efforts to cover fish. “We don’t need capital to try and get our platform to work – it already works. But we wanted to make a big splash [sic] at HIMSS, so we decided to expand species,” Barbouche added. Visitors to FHG’s HIMSS booth 9999 in Chicago this month will marvel at the 267’ x 50’ x 10’ tank filled with hungry HealthSharks™, courtesy of the famed Shedd Aquarium. “It will be awesome!” Barbouche, clearly ecstatic, declared. “Don’t worry, there’ll be a Hammerhead in the tank, too. We’ll be feeding the HealthSharks our newly developed fresh-from-our-data-warehouse maximal revenue-generating just-released HealthSharkDatabits®.”
Ivor von Flarf, Managing Director of Deathstar Ventures and potential FHG Board Member, said, “Clearly, FHG is the market leader in synergistic health care paradigm shifts…and HealthSharks. Wow! Though we have decided to delay an IPO for the near-term, one can expect to see stuffed sharks appearing on CNBC in the future.”
Forward Health Group, Inc., is the new leader in synergizing secure HealthSharks™, SharkWarehouses®, and tasty HealthSharkDatabits®. With industry-leading DataSharknology®, FHG drives the sale of your health data, maximizing revenue and return on investment. Change the World. Loot Health Care. Visit healthdatasharknology.com
April 1, 2015